Just two days after enjoying a very satisfying Thanksgiving repast, I awoke to a cacophony emanating from my living room. I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter (uh-oh, I must be channeling some Christmas spirit), and could hardly believe my eyes! Glaring, snarling, hissing and resisting were my new gnomie (purchased at a New York State rest stop while we shuffled off to Buffalo HOW do you shuffle off to Buffalo, anyhoo?), as well as three (obviously) psychotic elves. It was a craaaazy scene, man. And they were all being chased by our Rockin’ Rosie Colleen, a Doggy Diva Supreme.

It just seemed best to remain still in the hallway a-way from the living room fray (ya think?), in order to remain on the safe side, of course. My Hayward home had somehow morphed into one wacky zoo. It soon appeared that shelves of elves bells (that’s bells) were flying off their pointy hats and equally pointy shoes, thrown at both zee gnomie and my leetle Rosie!
It was quite the kerfuffle.

Finally, they all had to take a breath and sit down, fall down, or perhaps get smushed down. I waited for the explanation which I knew would not be reasonable. How could it be? I mean, my living room drapes were tattered and torn to shreds by elves which clearly had nothing to do with Walt Disney. The little living room gnome resided in an upstate New York rest stop gift shop surrounded by gnomes and shrooms: That is until he persuaded me to take him off the shelf and bring him back to California. Oh, he was all like so cute and wearing a plush purple hat. That hat, by the way, looks a whole lot like an elf’s hat!!
I was so seduced. Remember? Gnomes used to stalk me, and OMG (oh my gnome) now I was bringing one home. I should have known bettah. ( uh-oh, I may be channeling again.)

Now about those elves: The day after Thanksgiving the hubby and I drag our overstuffed bodies up to the Santa Cruz Mountains to find the always “perfect” Christmas tree. Henri and moi like a certain Christmas tree farm way up the main drag in the hills. (Methinks the drive gets longer every year. Some day the tree farm may be closer to L.A. than here, man.) We discovered a lush green, six-footer before another group of tree-hunters did. The forest was packed with festive people sporting hand-held saws. It looks as though more and more folks are in search of a more natural Christmas tree as evidenced by the crush of real tree lovers -and cars- clogging the highway. (I don’t do pho-nay, man. My Dad held off on buying a fake tree until I married Henri.)

The tree farm was such a beehive of activity (bees, really??), we failed to notice that these three foraging elves managed to climb on top of our mini-van and cleverly hide themselves amidst our tree’s fragrant branches. (Perhaps I guzzled a wee bit too much California Cranberry vino?) It was dark when we returned to our Hayward home, so they must have snuck in unnoticed. At least that’s what they told me on Saturday morning.

They then told me what the kerfuffle was really about: It’s about the battle for their holiday. The gnome is down with Thanksgiving/Halloween, while the elves are totally down with Christmas. They insist the décor be changed, No more pumpkins or fall gourds, they request. Hey, although the imps arrived with a Christmas tree which will remain outside until it’s finally ready to decorate, it is still November. Or Gnomevember as my purple pal insists the month shall now be called.

And what’s up with Rosie Colleen? Why did she get chased by all them varmints ‘round her living room? Those elves must have thought she was a tasty yet seasonal pumpkin dessert, and they wanted her out of Christmastown. (My Rosie Colleen fancied her Turkey Day Doggy Divawear so much she continues to wear it.) The elves also might have wondered why a pumpkin dessert would have a long furry tail and a full set of teeth; Rosie wondered why her people wouldn’t give her some leftover pumpkin roll, and showed her obvious displeasure in the photo Henri snapped. What a bummer.
Just don’t mess with a Doggy Diva Supreme, I guess.

**Don’t worry…I haven’t lost my mind… say what?
Peace, love, joy, laughter & OMG (Oh My Gnomie) **

(If you’d like to name that gnomie please send your suggestion to moi at Hbender1961@aol.com
All reasonable names will be considered. NOT! OK, most. NAME THAT GNOME! )